The Onion: More Hasbro products begging for the Michael Bay Movie Treatment

I saw this a few days ago and am just now getting around to posting about it. I figure most have already read it, but just in case someone missed it:

More Hasbro products begging for the Michael Bay movie treatment by Tasha Robinson,

The Onion AV Club

July 10th, 2007

Transformers is inevitably dominating the American box office, and a sequel is already in the works. By combining '80s nostalgia, massive military-adventure violence, and lowbrow adolescent humor, director Michael Bay has tapped into a vast and eager market that unites modern teens looking for mindless action with adult viewers eagerly awaiting more $175 million big-screen updates of their childhood toyboxes. Here are a few more possible ways to satisfy that market:Hasbro property: My Little PonyPossible storyline: Bored to tears after decades of makeover parties and frolicking pointlessly in the sunshine, the Dream Valley ponies band together to annex the nearby Friendship Garden, planning to convert it to an anarcho-syndicalist commune. When the Garden ponies respond by assassinating Dream Valley visionary leader Pinkie Pie, internecine warfare breaks out, leading to carpet bombing of the Satin Slipper Sweet Shoppe and the Poof 'N Puff Perfume Palace.Key scenes: Unicorn leader Sky Flier uses her "winking" power to teleport a cadre of specially trained Napalm Nuzzles ponies behind enemy lines for the explosive climax, filmed in alternating slow motion and a flurry of spastic quick-cuts of flying pony bodies. Meanwhile, in a bombed-out barn in Ponyville, Buttons comes of age in an awkward but touching liaison with Lickety-Split.

Film tagline: "They aren't your little ponies any more."